Snot funny

Apparently like some guy died or something, and some people have been making a small fuss about it and that. “Blame it on the boogie,” one said, and I disagree with that statement. Nasal effluent, in my opinion, is completely and utterly blameless. And I have decided that it is my duty to explain why it is so very innocent.

I understand folks’ arguments. I can see how a bogey could kill a person. His nose might have been blocked. But this could have been easily and painlessly sorted out in a jiffy with a quick blow of the nose. And if no tissues where available, he could have simply breathed through his mouth to avoid death. It is no fault of a bogey.

I suppose they may have been talking about golf. And I’m happy to blame golf. I don’t really like golf. For starters, it’s the only game I can think of that’s named after a Volkswagen hatchback – well, I suppose there’s polo – and there are few games named after Volkswagen hatchbacks for a good reason. The good reason for the scarcity of games named after Volkswagen hatchbacks being that it’s idiotic to name a game after a Volkswagen hatchback. And it just so happens that the name’s idiocy is quite appropriate for golf – the name is a bad start, and it rolls quickly downhill from there. Like a golf ball, really, about to plop into a lake or whatever.

But enough about golf. I’m quite confident that nobody is silly enough to blame golf. Much as I’d like golf to be to blame, that’s just biased ridiculousness, and a judge would never be allowed to behave as immaturely as I am behaving. Golf is no killer, no matter how horrid it is.

If a nose blockage really was responsible, which as I have said is very unlikely, then I’m not sure a single bogey can be to blame. Much like a playing card, a single bogey is not of much use if you’re trying to cause death through nose blockage. But when you have a whole community of playing cards, you can play bridge or solitaire or whatever game you fancy; the same is true with bogeys, although of course the bogeys must be used not to play with (that would be disgusting) but rather to block the nose of a famous pop-star, killing said pop-star. It should at least be “blame it on the double-bogey”. I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that it was a quadruple-bogey, in fact.

That all sounded like a sensible argument. But, come to think of it, the deceased did have a most peculiar artificial nose, which may have been more easy-to-block than most noses on the market. A sole trader bogey could have been all that was needed for those clogs to pop.

What’s more, it could be a case of the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or rather the bogey that turned the nose from being partially- to completely-blocked. In that case, the single bogey is to blame. Someone bang that naughty, murdering bogey to rights.

I’m going to change the subject now. There, I just changed the subject. The new subject is my being on Facebook. You see, I seem to be on Facebook. I’m on Facebook. Why not befriend me on Facebook? Here’s why:

Oh look, there appear to be precisely zero reasons to not befriend me on Facebook. So, hop to it. Befriend me on Facebook. Now! But only if you want to. I don’t want to force you into anything. You’re free to not do it if you don’t want to. I’m fine with that. As long as you do it now. Now!