‘Our philosophy’

The last time this happened, in a stab at some kind of comic effect, I cleverly pretended to misunderstand some literary devices that had been employed by the little men who make bottles of shampoo.

Today, I noticed this heading on the reverse of a bottle of TRESemmé conditioner (with silk protein and collagen, you know):

Our philosophy

Their philosophy? Why do they need one of those? All I wanted was to wash my hair, and they went and came out with this. I know barely a jot about the field – isn’t the racing car driver Jason Plato one of the philosophers? – but I wonder exactly what TRESemmé’s philosophy is.

Maybe it pertains to their advertising on the television, in which a wheaty-haired man in a shirt moves his lips out of time with the audio track? Or do they just think it’s really important to help Alan Titchmarsh achieve his goal of having oozy skin like a snail’s?

We don’t need to wonder, because underneath that heading is written the philosophy itself:

From our origins in salons around the world, we’ve always had a simple vision: to create stylist-tested, salon-quality products without the salon price tag, so you can experience that salon feeling everyday.

There. Immanuel “Jeremy” Kant lives on.

(On the bottles of conditioner and accompanying shampoo, the colon quoted above is erroneously in fact a semicolon. On an apparently newer bottle of hairspray that I looked at, the mistake is not there, so I have given the benefit of the doubt. Because I am nice.)