Are ‘friends’ elected?

People said things about the election debates that happened weeks ago being historic and stuff. Now, of course, they are historical. Calling them “so last week” has been so last week for at least a week.

I caught the end of The First Election Debate, as ITV excitedly called it. Some things struck me. I have waited until now – more than a month later! – to write about them, perhaps because by now other people’s identical observations will have been forgotten.

Mr Cameron had a blue tie, and Mr Clegg had a yellow tie, like what the colours of their respective parties are. Mr Brown, however, had a pink tie – edgy. Pink is quite similar to red, but it is less similar to red than yellow is to yellow and blue is to blue. Mr Clegg, of course, later wore an orange tie, presumably to help him become as popular as Mr Brown. You’re right, this is all silly trivia. No more ties.

At one stage the sound and the pictures were out of sync (a key theme this month). It was more amusing a thing than it should have been (not amusing) – which ground at the old gears rather, because one is not supposed to grin at an election debate. The excitable host, Mr Stewart, was unaffected – for much of it he took the form of a mere strange, disembodied voice – and so was Mr Cameron. Is this because his surname is similar to “camera”? Is it in fact true that he is made out of electricity and/or alien parts? Perhaps Mr Cameron’s voice and mouth are naturally out of sync, in the other order, and an aide had twiddled with the broadcasting things.

I radioed the other two, and could only cope with their very beginnings while multitasking, so I don’t know. Nobody else appeared to notice any synchronism deficits at all. Maybe earwax was all.

Weeks later, and already weeks ago, the election happened and on the radio Mr Naughtie (who is the same person as Mr Knockerty) interviewed a man who is a Conservative figure called Eric Pickles. “Good evening to you, Mr Pickles,” he said. I found it amusing. (As ever, you probably had to be there.) Eric Pickles is rather an all right name – but I’d say Vince Cable is a better cool name, if only because it’s the name of a person who in my view seems altogether more positive than Mr Pickles in terms of matters that aren’t superficial.

Pickles, incidentally, looks like one of those creatures from Doctor Who who were defeated by being hit on the back of the neck series ago by a Matt Zuckerberg sort of character playing tennis. (Were they in the most recent episode?) Again, it is wrong to have one’s tongue in one’s cheek like this and mention this unimportant business – so, enough.